My heart sank right down to the bottom of the abyss, drowning in the darkness.
Gaoqin Jiuye suddenly laughed and said to the boy, "You're right. We shouldn't be giving false hope to others if we aren't able to save them. But if no one gives anyone hope in this world, what would it become? You think that hope is something that others should continually be giving?"
Gaoqin Jiuye was still holding my hand. "We'll only need to sow a tiny seed of hope in you. It's up to you whether you'll be able to grab onto this and be reborn in the future. There's no one who owes you a living. How could you blame someone for not helping you all the time when she's willing to help you out just this once? What you should do is to grab hold of that hand and stand up on your own. If the helping hand is gone after that, you should then learn how to stand on your own two feet."
The boy and I were both stunned by his words.
The boy looked at Gaoqin Jiuye with a light in those previously dead eyes.
Gaoqin Jiuye's smile seemed to freeze. "I was from the Gate of Heaven."
The boy furrowed his brows. "If I remember right, there's no one this nice from the Gate of Heaven. All of them are merely pretending to be righteous."
There was hatred in the boy's gaze. This hate seemed to come from deep within him, it was a kind of extreme hatred. He did not have such a gaze even when the woman was picking on him earlier.
Just how much do the people in the Gate of Heaven and the Gate of Ghost hate each other?
"If those from the Gate of Heaven were like what you said, they wouldn't have saved you, they'd have killed you instead." Du Yue walked over from her spectator stand.
She's probably getting impatient at all this.
She walked over to Gaoqin Jiuye and seemed to steal a glance at my hand that was in his.
As I looked at Du Yue, I felt like I suddenly understood how the boy felt. If everyone from the Gate of Heaven was like her, then I would really hate all of them right down to my bones.
Even if it was someone like Gaoqin Jiuye, who was cold on the outside but passionate on the inside, we'd still need to spend quite some time with him before the original impression of him changed.
The boy stared at Du Yue with hostility. I was secretly happy at this. This boy knew who was evil with just one glance.
Du Yue did not bother looking at the boy. I could tell what she was thinking from her look of disdain. She probably saw it as a gift that she was willing to speak to the boy. Du Yue was someone who looks at the MF of others. Someone from the Gate of Ghost who had an MF of less than 20 would probably not catch her eye at all.
I really had to look up to Ta Lai for this, even though he was nothing to me now that he had hurt Nie Zun. He is still extraordinary to have the ability to gain the loyalty of such a cruel and ruthless woman.
Du Yue was visibly impatient now. She said, "How long do you guys wish to linger? Not enough stares?"
Gaoqin Jiuye pointed to somewhere in front. "Isn't that a hotel right there? Let's go over and take a rest."
Du Yue glanced at him before she looked at my hand in his. She then turned around and walked towards the hotel in her ripped trousers.
It was understandable that she was impatient, since her trousers were ripped off by me, and it did not look very good to walk around like this for long either.
Li Wen caught up with Du Yue quickly, giving me a gentle smile as she passed me by.
I didn't want to look at her at all.
Gaoqin Jiuye addressed the boy. "We're leaving now. Like what you said, there's nothing wrong in compromising with the woman earlier, since it's just a way to protect yourself. But she's not at fault for giving you hope and helping you out either. You should be grateful instead of being so cold. This is the way of the world, and I hope you can understand that."
The boy looked at Gaoqin Jiuye meaningfully, hesitation in his eyes. He nodded eventually.
Gaoqin Jiuye laughed. "We'll meet again if fate permits it." He pulled me with him as he left.
I turned back to look at the boy. He was still standing there, as if in deep thought. But at the same time, it looked like he was lost and confused.
"How long do you plan on holding my hand?" I looked at the person beside me with a frown.
Gaoqin Jiuye raised his brows. "I'll hold onto it for as long as I can."
I responded coldly, "Acting all the way huh."
Gaoqin Jiuye shrugged. "Think of it however you want to."
"I didn't know that you could actually say something humane." I teased him.
"I was just speaking my mind," said Gaoqin Jiuye rather seriously.
"Then, from when did you have such thoughts?"
Gaoqin Jiuye looked into the distance, as if he was reminiscing the past. "From a long time ago, from when I was still a child, when I was just a child, like that boy."
As I looked at him, I was reminded of what happened when Si Luo tried to look into my heart. The image I saw in Si Luo's heart was that of Gaoqin Jiuye when he was still a teenager. I couldn't even recognize him in that scene.
I remembered he looked lonely in the scene, his eyes shining with an obstinate light.
Was he referring to the him of the past? He was just like that boy in the past? But how could that be? Gaoqin Jiuye was an extraordinary individual who was widely-known in the Split Zone. Nobody knew the value of his MF, they just knew that he had extraordinary abilities. How could he be like that boy who had an MF of less than 20?
"Are you wondering why someone with high MF like me can understand that boy?"
Caught by surprise, I asked, "How did you know?"
Gaoqin Jiuye said casually, "All your thoughts are clearly reflected on your face. I knew it when I saw that constipated face of yours."
My lips twitched. "Sorry, bodies of consciousness in the Split Zone do not need the toilet. So I think you should wake up now."
Gaoqin Jiuye laughed. "Okay, I'll stop teasing you and tell you why I can understand him. Sometimes, extraordinary individuals have things in common with extremely weak individuals."
Extraordinary individuals and extremely weak individuals… Why did I think of Gao Qi and me at this point?
"Whether they are standing at the peak or hiding in the sewers, they're both equally lonely. Only those who're walking on the roads are able to enjoy the ordinary peace and quiet, they're the ones who're accepted by all the others."
A faint sorrow passed Gaoqin Jiuye's eyes. It was very, very faint.
Was this the reason why Gao Qi shared that space on the rooftop only with me? Or was he part of those memories in the laboratory which I've forgotten? Or… was it a secret that only he knew?
Was it because he saw me going through the same things as he did?
But he was already so dazzling…
I took my hand away from Gaoqin Jiuye, saying coldly, "Those at the top might probably think like you. You guys think that you're similar to those living in the sewers, but how could it be the same? Even though you are lonely at the top, you can still be a proud and arrogant individual. Those in the sewers live in the darkness every day. How will you be able to understand them fully? It's true that those at the top are lonely, and those who have lost everything are also lonely. However, they're never the same."
I felt a little colder without the warmth from his hand, but I continued speaking. "The strong talk about being lonely, but that's just a sham. The weak don't talk about being lonely, because they live it every day, and there's no hope in sight."
Gaoqin Jiuye's eyes narrowed. "So you think that just because I'm stronger and that I've always been extraordinary, that I should be ostracized, that I deserve to be alone?"
I looked at him. "That's not what I meant."
Gaoqin Jiuye responded coldly. "Whatever it is, seems like you've gotten something right. It's true that we can never understand weaklings, just like how I can never understand you."
This sounded like I'm strong and you, Li Shen, are weak. Because of this, I will never understand you.
I smiled bitterly to myself. But didn't you say that you were the only one who understood me?
Who're we contradicting? Are we both contradicting ourselves here?
I didn't voice my thoughts. Instead, I said, "I'm sorry, but I don't think that I'm a weakling. There'll come a day when you'll be convinced that I'm not one."
Gaoqin Jiuye smirked. "Really? You think that day will come? Neither Jiao S nor Nie Zun are by your side right now, who are you going to depend on? And if you refuse to hold my hand when I reach out to you, who else can you depend on then? You're going to depend on yourself?"
I stared at him angrily. "Yes, I'm going to depend on myself. I'm sure of this now. You, Gaoqin Jiuye, do not understand me at all. It has always been like this. I won't ever be picked if there's a conflict or when there's a choice. That's your choice, and it's destined to be this way. The only thing I'm curious about is that since you've already made your choice, what are you trying to change? One shouldn't be too greedy. You've chosen the path of solitude and you have no right to regret that choice. How about you admit it? That apart from Si Luo, you have no one else by your side."
After this, I continued on my path, not turning back to look.
His voice was soft from behind. "You've said it too, I can't regret it. Even if I wanted to choose again, no one would give me the opportunity to do so. Don't you see that too?"
Though I was a little upset that I had hurt him this way, I never turned around. This is us, Gaoqin Jiuye and Li Shen. We'll never forgive and we'll never come to an understanding.
We had to hurt each other all the time. Because we thought this was how we could save each other and help each other grow.